The Haircut

My daughter’s dismayed eyes, met mine in the mirror of our local salon!

“Mommy do something”  those eyes said

What to do? She had wanted to cut off long wavy hair in favor of a short modern do and now as half of her hair lay piled on the floor of the salon, she wasn’t so sure of this foray into independence.

“Maybe we can layer it a bit more” I suggested to Kim our stylist ” I think she was thinking of something a little more, you know, edgy”

As Kim fluttered about sniping here and there, a wave of helplessness overcame me and I was struck by a feeling of deja vu.

I was a little younger then my daughter is now, when I decided that I wanted to do something with the bane of my existence, my curly hair. Suddenly at twelve years old it had become an unruly mess!

“Lets go to Gene Juarez salon at Nordstroms ” my mother suggested “we’ll get you a really cute short cut.”

I was so excited, picturing myself in a head full of short bouncy (not frizzy) curls, that I couldn’t sleep the night before

To make a long (rather tragic) story short, the stylist, who obviously had no idea how to treat curly hair, placed  my newly shorn head  in front of three hair drying lamps, as I watched my hair  grow to massive proportions, I burst into tears!

“Don’t worry,” my mother soothed, “we’ll find you a nice hairband to help smooth it back a bit.”

I just cried harder, picturing the hairband amidst all that frizz.

Today, taking in my daughters new look, I comforted myself thinking  “this must be a rite of passage.”

It was so easy when she was little, she let me braid and pin her long blond hair. She had a box full of cute accessories that matched all her dresses and we had fun choosing what to wear each day.

These days I’ll be lucky if she lets me brush the bangs out of her eyes.

It reminds me of the story of Rebbecca in the Torah:

Just as Issac was getting ready to pass on the birthright to Esau, (Bereishit, Chp. 27) Rebbecca (who knew the true nature’s of her sons ) took matters into her own hands and “commanded” her younger son Jacob, (against all his objections) to take the blessing that was rightfully his, in place of his brother. Rebbecca was affecting the course of history, yet she could only bring her reluctant son to the door of his father’s room, after that he was on his own.

It is a very interesting insight into parenting in general. We put enormous amounts of effort into bringing our children up, educating them, giving them all kinds of experiences, but at some point they need to do it alone, they have to figure it out for themselves.

Now I am not saying that  my daughter has fully spread her wings, she is just stretching them a bit, feeling their breadth (and perhaps their weight) as for me, I’m still in the picture (you’ll have to be force me out), I am here for teaching, cheering, and for soothing which is why I find myself saying..

“It might look  nice with one of your cute hairbands!”

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